Fangirl

from by REGI RKT

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about

fandom is a vulnerable, intimate thing. the love of a fangirl is one of the most pure and wholesome types of love, in that it is all-consuming, unapologetic, and filled with hope. it really, really hurt to learn that people i used to love and idolize had done really awful things to other people. it hurt even more when they didn't take accountability for their actions. fangirl self-care is realizing that humans are fallible and often very ugly--but we have entire universes at our fingertips. we can go anywhere we want. we can be anything we want to be. those heroes of ours who consistently show us that we can trust them, and that we are safe with them, are the only ones worthy of our gorgeous admiration.

--

lyrics

If you don’t mind
I think i’ll just curl up and sleep for a while
Would you turn that song off?
I am trying to heal
And i don’t want to feel
The memories it used to color pink
Fade to blue and black and gray

If you don’t mind
I think i’ll just try to forget for a while
How it’s so much easier to be hard and flat
I am learning that
Purity is not made in words but instead in the choices we decide not to make

I no longer want you in my mouth
You’re no longer welcome in my house

If you don’t mind
I think i’ll just fall into dreams for a while
Where i meet my heroes
And they keep me safe
And they worship the weight
To control and console and to hold tender hearts
Or be wicked pawns in a wicked game

There are lives that rely on their heroes as friends
Fuck the reviews and fuck setting trends
What are we here for if not for the ends
Of dreaming without being scared of the morning

credits

from Fanfiction, released July 21, 2017

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REGI RKT Portland, Maine

DIY anxiety bops from ur 2001 grrrl crush. punk is vulnerability is punk. loud Aquarius.

"pure Portland punk... Honest, raw, full of fury and irreproachable DIY spirit"
- Pretty Purgatory

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